Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
