Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
