I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
