god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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