first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
