he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
