her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So much Jack, so little girl.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
