Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize