That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I met the friendliest cop last night
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
