Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
