you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize