nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
