That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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