Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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