i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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