For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
