I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
