batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
