"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
so much tequila, so little girl.
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