I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
