omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
