it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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