im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
