Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
