I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
