i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
