I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
