I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
