Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
