i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
