KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
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