theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
