Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
