i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
