I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
