he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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