After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
