I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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