I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize