I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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