Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
