I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
