some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
