yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
