wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
