So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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