Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize