So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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