Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
