Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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