I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize