i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
