my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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