Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
