Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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