Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
