I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
