Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
