I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
