wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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