So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
