Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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