based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
only if we run a train.
done.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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