i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Someone shattered a urinal.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How does one acquire holy water?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
