And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
