And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize