So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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