Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
