Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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