Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
